There is a rising taking place. A great rising. Today the day of the largest supermoon in many years I am faced with this question of illumination. Are we ready to face this great light - this light that does not care what it shines upon or who it illuminates - it just shines. It doesn’t allow you to hide. It is clearly there saying “See me - feel my light, my strength.” Don’t get me wrong we can hide from the great moon mother. We can go into our shadow instead of embracing it. We can slink back in to the dark recesses of our safety but she will continue to shine. She is calling us forth. Calling us forth to a new destiny, a greater way of being. She wants you to shine with her - to carry her light forward, to be one with your destiny and the great reason you chose to come in to your own illumination. It will be 17 years until this great mother returns and how do you choose to face her? Will you explain to her that her light was too grand, that you were forced to shrink back into your shadow of fear and inadequacy? Or are you going to tell her that you turned your face to her great light and you let it penetrate your very soul. That you allowed it to alight the remembering. The remembering of who you really are and what you came here to be. That you walked side by side with your shadow but it was always a step behind you because you are now master of your own light. Will you tell her you stepped out in to those places your soul called you to - that you let her light shine through every pore of you so that it lit your way and illuminated others? So that you could walk in those very things you’ve been too timid to embrace.

This great mother illuminates a path for you - she calls you in to being through the nights and the days. She asks you to shed your dark masks and to raise you face to the light and be SHE. For you my dear one are the light you have just forgotten!!!

 Light illuminate my soul.
 Light shine from without and within
 Great amazing beautiful mother moon,
 Thank you for reminding us For reminding us that no matter the circumstance
 We have the choice to radiate our light
 At times it may be clouded
 Or not be as evident
 But if we embrace the great remembering
 If we allow the light to meld with every molecule of our essence
 It will be impossible to extinguish 
And as we remember we will not be able to turn in
We will only be able to shine 
And in the shining illuminate the world!!!

More honesty!!!

Ok sometimes it just sucks being a woman. Period.

Extreme Honesty!!

Woo - ok instead of starting a new blog I thought I'd add an extreme honesty piece to this one. Let's get real and vulnerable!

Miss Jean Louis - A Little Bio Info (aka Miss Jean's Socks)

We all love her. We all hate her.  How can someone so amazingly cool and awesome be so elusive? What do we know about this master of evasiveness? How has she managed to infuse all our minds with the iimagination of what she'll do next and who she really is?  What kind of super amazing skills and magical mastery can someone hold to be able to take the world of the web by storm and infiltrate the entire nation of Gishwhers with questions of awe and complete baffledness?

Miss Jean Louis - you are our hero, not only because you babysit Misha , which we hear is a mind boggling, otherworldly feat in itself, but because you exude mysteriousness.
But what we find most amazing about Miss Jean Louis - her socks.  Have you ever met anyone who inspires you quite so much to step out of societal boundaries and just go insane.

(my mind is hurting from the possible sock dance that may be going on under those slacks!!)

 Because yes dear readers, it is true, Miss Jean Louis under those sexy pants of awesomeness, wears one sock at her ankle and one pulled up her calf.  I'll just let you sit with that for awhile.  I know, right, WHAT!!!  I can hear you all gasp with shock and amazement.  Who would be so bold to do such a thing? When you look at her poised, sitting elegantly watching over Misha you could never know the pure rebellious action going on right under her pant legs.  How does she do it you ask?  We can't even begin to put words in her mouth as this blogger has never been blessed with the rare opportunity of meeting this magician.  But anyone that daring instantly goes on my bucket list of MUST MEETs!! Because I bet the socks don't even match, heck they're probably not even made of the same fabric!!! Can you even fathom the awesome, revolutionary Socker this woman (if she even is a woman, we are starting to think maybe superhero from another planet!!!) really is.

Miss Jean Louis. wherever, and whoever you are I hold you in awesomeness. The plethora of fantastic words to describe your mysterious magnificence is too long to list. SOCK ON!!

Life Shifts: Quantam Leaps or Rudder Adjustments?

 This                                              or                  This?

So one of my dearest friends in the world, Lil, and I have been discussing the title above.  Basically the gist of the conversation is there are different people in the world; different types of training; two schools of thought that talk about making big shifts in your life.  For some the belief is that you just need to make a few little adjustments and if you stay the course then amazing things will happen.  The analogy being if you have a huge ship and make a tiny rudder adjustment it will take you to a completely different place on the map.  And the other school of thought is that for some of us it takes a big huge leap - a quantum leap.  Kind of like that baby bird in the nest that feels safe but has to take the leap in order to fly.  Safety was nice - but flight - flight is even better.

Lil and I were asking this question.  What kind of people are we?  Or more importantly which parts of our lives need adjustments and which parts need leaps?  And even more importantly  - what would this look like?

So you are joining us in the middle of this on going discussion and I thought I would bring you in to it to either share your opinion or if nothing else to get you to start thinking about it.  What would your life look if you adjusted or jumped?

I'm guessing you need more clarification. What exactly are we adjusting or leaping in to? Why are we even having this conversation?  Haven't you felt it?  That stirring way down in your gut, at the back of your kidneys somewhere calling to you - saying is this it - no baby there has to be more.  You know that feeling when you eat a really tasty but really unhealthy meal and it feels good for a moment but not long term and your body starts screaming ...what the hell...is this it....you let our stupid brain pick the fast food and I really wanted a spinach salad and a smoothie - get with the program!!  Ok bad example but hopefully you get.  Your life isn't necessarily pissy, or maybe it is, but you want, nope you need some kind of shift - the restlessness is getting old.

What does this look like?  Well there's the question right?  I guess the answer to that - frustrating as it may be - is - what do you want it to look like?  And let me clarify right now - you don't have to shift or do anything and if you've only read this far because you are related to me and being nice - then stop - but if you feel the little tug right now then I think we are on the same page and you know what I'm talking about. Or at least you are intrigued enough to join the discussion.

So what does it look like for you? What do you want to change in your life?  What does the shift look like?

Is your rudder adjustment talking to the cashier and smiling?  Is it speaking up to your boss?  Is it telling your husband/wife you need to do some counselling?  Is it buying that pet you always wanted? Is it booking that trip you were too scared to go on?  Is it reading that book you thought was not allowed?  Is it taking a course you never thought about?  Is it writing the book you never thought you could - or at the very least making the effort to start? (this could be an adjustment and a leap!!)

And your quantum leap - and let's clarify here - I know I said some people are rudder adjusters and some need to be leapers - but I have a sneaky suspicion that if you want a big shift, once in awhile you are going to have to leap out of the nest! Yes you - your quantum leap - what does that look like?
Ok so I can't climb in your brain - so your leap has possibly never been spoken, you may have to look way down deep - yep keep going - there it is at the tip of your big toe.  Yes that one - no don't look the other way - grab a pen and at least write it down because your big toe has some big dreams baby!
Just some potential examples:
Sell the house and move to Tibet.
Move to Hollywood and learn how to direct movies.
Quit your job.
Leave your spouse.
Get a spouse.
Learn to fly - literally  - like in a plane.
Buy a piece of land and start a new community.
Talk to every single person you meet about your dreams and then act on them.
Buy that business.
Start that company.
Paint that picture and show everyone.
Become a chef.
Quit doing stay at home mom/dad things and get a career.
Quit your career and be a stay at home mom/dad.
Write the screenplay.
Swim naked in the lake.
And to some of you these will be simple and to some - what the heck - and to others hell no.

But what if ? You can do it - Lil and I are doing it - we are writing down our leaps and our rudder adjustments and then the key is to do it - do SOMETHING.  You are now in our tribe if you want to be - let's help each other.

So we need vulnerability to start - yes I said be vulnerable for- go read Brene Brown if you haven't and you'll know what I mean.  And absolutely one hundred percent I insist - I'm not kidding - google it write now and buy it either in hard copy or audio or download - don't borrow it - own it - Martha Beck's - Finding Your Way in a Wild New World .....do it now....I'll wait................................................................................................

Ok if you did it - good job - if not - you'll dream about it until you do.  And once you've read it let's have a discussion because so far only Lil and I have read it in my sphere of influence but I want you all to consciously join the Team too.  Enough said - I think you can realise  I like the book.

Anyways I digressed there - I'm trying to leap and adjust and its hard - when you have kids and family and responsibilities - it's damn hard.  So I'm writing my book - yep that's my vulnerability because if I tell you then I have to do it - Prologue and chapter 1 written.  I leaped in to school at 41 and I'm half way through. But now I want to leap in to running a retreat and then possibly into something even bigger that that - I'll keep you posted!

 I want to dance down the street always - I want to hug everyone I meet and say  - are you waking up - do you see it - do you see how amazing you are - how much more you have to give - how freakin awesome life is?  Not there yet - I think I'm still bound by my inhibitions - but one day if a crazy 40 something, chubby, cute (ooo I hated writing that) mama gives you a hug and shouts Wake up sweetie - you can shout back - Hi Toni!!!


SO are you willing to adjust and leap and at least talk about it - because holy moly baby its time to change the world!!!!

A Life Coach Dialogue: Ok so yesterday I posted about how I feel this la...

A Life Coach Dialogue:
Ok so yesterday I posted about how I feel this la...: Ok so yesterday I posted about how I feel this lack of community and I was challenged by a friend to verbalize what I meant by that.  B...

Ok so yesterday I posted about how I feel this lack of community and I was challenged by a friend to verbalize what I meant by that.  Because when she looks in at my life (she lives far away) she sees a woman who has a fantastic circle of friends, a mom next door who cares for her, great supportive kids, and most of her needs met - so what is it I still yearn for?  So I'm going to try and verbalize my yearning and if it doesn't make sense - well I'm sorry.  As I don't really have a following or do this for a living I'm not going to fix the grammar or hold back in this post  - I'm just going to write.  This is more of a live journal - and if you don't like or agree with it - feel free to ignore.

So....how could I feel lack, when really I'm living the dream life?  I may not have tons of money and there is a definite stress there but I have a great thing going.  I work the hours I want, I'm back in school learning things I love, my kids don't complain much, we don't get up early, my friends will be there whenever I need them and my mom is a constant source of support. So what's my problem?

Maybe I'm just lonely, or selfish or lazy.  Or all the above.  I just want the dream I guess.  I want to wake up in the morning and drink my coffee and walk across to my neighbour who is also my good friend and we will talk about things that matter - how we are feeling off that day or extra joyful or if we need any help.  I will participate in the life of another - we will share our hearts - we won't wait until we're empty.  I hate cooking but I love so many other things - so I will be in charge of a nature walk with the kids and collecting some herbs for the fall while I only have kitchen duty twice a month.  I will have an art room to visit or a place to write my book because someone understands I need to release what is within.  I will absolutely not be in charge of the money but I will contribute to it.  I will be honored for my ideas, I will honor others for those - because that is my skill I have great, fantastic ideas.  I will help the mom I see going downhill because I have been there, before it spirals out of control.  Abuse will be quickly dealt with, speaking your mind will be honored, philosiphizing and reading will be admired. Gifts, all of them will be honored, if you love canning, or numbers, or farming, or lawyering, or doctoring, or whatever, you will be honored and your skill will be welcome within the fold.  Yep it sounds like a commune - but I'm sick and tired of us all having to have the great american dream and even if we are on board with each other we still just eek out a life.

Yes I'm different.  I always have been.  I don't live a normal life.  I am unusual to most.  I refuse to give in to the monster hamster wheel we have created in this life - but oh hell sometimes it's hard.  I want to be happy with the 2.5 kids, the 2 cars, the cubicle, the RRSPs, the retirement plan and my golf swing. But sadly I'm not (and if you are than all the power to you !) I am mocked for speaking my heart - really did you know people don't like you to wear your heart on your sleeve, they really don't - they want you to not be exuberant about life - because it's not perfect - well shit it's never going to be perfect.  I want to twirl as I walk down the street, and tell you, you are lovely and smile at you and grab your hand to my heart and say 'I see you' - lets connect.

Will it take away the hurts and heartaches.  Nope.  Will we still question, yep.  Will we fight - most definitely.  But I want a community - a place I belong. AHHHHH - there it is - there it is - sorry it took me awhile but I got there - I have a longing for belonging!!!  My life may not look radical and mostly I'm quite quiet until you get to know me but my heart and spirit scream - LOVE, LIVE, SEE ME, SPEAK YOUR SOUL, SHOW ME YOUR MESS AND I'LL SHARE MINE - TAKE OFF THE MASKS!!

Did I clarify anything?  Probably not - and hell I've been raising kids on my own for 11 years now - maybe I just need to not be alone?  But it's more than that - if you have a life partner and you still understand this call - you'll know what I mean.  Of course I'd love romance back in my life - but this isn't what I'm talking about.  I want connection and honoring of who we are not who we think we need to become.

So what am I going to do about all this unrest - I don't really know - I read a lot - if I'm honest the escape is what keeps me sane and not crying many days - do I see a shift coming - oh I hope so - I sincerely hope so - but when you are trying to start out and your gift is in the envisioning not so much the practical, it is very very hard.....and so.....I dream, I dream.........